This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
-Mahatma Gandhi (I really, really like this one!)

“I want to have fun. I want to shine like the sun. I want to be the one that you want to see. I want to knit you a sweater. I want to write you a love letter. I want to make you feel better. I want to make you feel free.”
-Joni Mitchell

It is difficult to love two.
Two to care for,
Two to fight with,
Two to doubt.

Whose face do I see when my future unfolds?
Twice will I pine.
Twice will I remember.
Twice will I care.
Twice, The jealousy I will share.

Two to hate.
Two to make me cry.
Two to make me wish I had never been.
Two to make my sorrows evaporate again.

Who shall I choose?
Can the choice be made?
Will I win two?
Or will two leave -
and only I shall stay.

Want to go on another bike trip. Ready. Set. Go.

I need to stop collecting. There is only so much i can maintain without it getting out-of-hand and ridiculous. Well, too late. It's just so addicting, exciting, wonderful. No. Stop.

Blah.

This weekend was stressful.

Dancing with several people poking me with their unmentionables. People who should know how to control their, er, feelings. I guess i should take it as a compliment, but seriously?

Also, some people need to grow up (just a lil bit)

This is surprisingly accurate.

Sarah+Hoffman took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be reward..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Sam Bonds is officially wonderfulness. blues/pirate/americana band singing about a disgusting vagina the chorus being "pull up your pants and go home". Unkle Nancy and The Family Jewels were talented musicians, wonderful performers, and pretty cute. They got the ENTIRE bar to stand up and dance to their music.

In less happiness:

For years we've run the Tango Center as a community center for all of Eugene. But we have struggled to make it a permanent home, because we have no lease, and our residence in this historic space was at the whim of the landlords. At anytime, in the last four years, they could have kicked us out.

We made overtures to buy the building from them, but they just wanted a straight commercial purchase, and they were unwilling to make structural allowances to help us. They really don't care about the role we play in helping downtown and the larger Eugene community.

Since the economic downturn began late last year, revenues dropped significantly at The Tango Center, to the point where we were unable to make rent. This happened to us once before, three years ago, during the crisis with the ceiling, which I think you'll all remember. At that time, after much wrangling, the owners agreed to let us stay if we paid the back rent. This time, however, they were not so lenient. They own lots of commercial property, they don't like our building at all, and they have absolutely no interest in our project or helping downtown. From a commercial tenant point of view, because of the amount of attention we require, they think of us as trouble-makers. So they have given us notice, to leave by the end of this month.

But we have many indirect options, even though they are not willing to lease directly with us.

For example, they are willing to sell the building. And they may be willing to lease to someone they trust -- we have approached several such people who are willing to take over the lease, essentially "privatizing" the Tango Center, while maintaining all of its current activity. They will begin negotiating with our landlords after we try one other thing, a better solution.

You see, there is a political solution. The City could purchase The Tango Center building, and help our project move forward, with their earmarked downtown revitalization funds. I'm sure you've read recently in the paper that the city's large private development projects have not worked out financially. By comparison, our project, and our building, are incredibly cheap ... we believe that the City could buy the building from our landlords (Tom Conner and Don Woolley) for less than $1 million ... that's for a 22,000 square foot building that covers a quarter of a downtown city block! THe complete restoration of our building, and the fulfillment of all our dreams for the building, would cost less than an additional million. Compare that to the tens of millions they committed to failed office building projects.

As you all know, positive pressure on the City, to do something about our ticking clock, can be very effective. The City has money for downtown projects, but they have never given us a penny, while spending millions on, for example, plans for an expensive City Hall that will not be built. This is a very practical way they can provide a service directly to Eugene's citizens. They could save us with a single vote, any Monday or Wednesday.

Please write thoughtful, positive, personal e-mails in support of City action, to save our important downtown project. You can write the Mayor and City Councilors with one e-mail address:

MAYORANDCC@CI@EUGENE.OR.US

Please let them know how important The Tango Center is to you personally, to people you know, etc., and how it deserves the trivial City support required for us to thrive and serve even more people in the community than we do. If the City were to pay our lease (a mere $2200 per month), we could spend our revenues on advertising, and attract twice as many people to the Tango Center, and downtown.

Thank you all for your help! With your e-mails, we can enter a bold new stage for Tango in Eugene!
Greg

Here is the e-mail I've just sent to the Mayor, the City Council, and the City Manager:

To the Mayor and Councilors of the City of Eugene:

A unique, world-renowned institution in downtown Eugene, which brings a thousand people each week to West Broadway, and which is loved by thousands of Eugeneans and visitors, will shut down if the City of Eugene does not act.

The City has until February 28, 2009 to save The Tango Center, in the historic farmer's market building.

The Tango Center's block on West Broadway has occupied the center of City discussions over downtown revitalization for years. For 6 years, thousands of citizens have worked tirelessly at The Tango Center to create a popular, innovative community center. We watch and protect this section of West Broadway and the surrounding neighborhood, bringing it to life.

But we operate as a community center, not a business. When the economic downturn began, we had a decline in revenue, and an increase in volunteer participation. It has taken a few months for The Tango Center to recover from the downturn. While we were restructuring into a new non-profit, so we could raise bridge funds to pay our bills, the landlord opted to evict us -- to leave this vast, lively community space empty, abandoning dozens of organizations that rely heavily on our affordable, world-class facility.

We are asking that the City instruct Staff to negotiate with Tom Conner & Don Woolley to take over the Tango Center's lease, and make an offer to purchase this important building and community resource from them. This summer is the 80th anniversary of this building, the only one in Eugene ever built as a Farmer's Market. If you've read the 1969 book about the building, Market Days, you know that it helped Eugene survive The Great Depression, and as an important downtown center of art, activity and networking today, it can help us to survive the current economic situation.

The Tango Center's effect on downtown Eugene:

* 1,000 people come downtown to The Tango Center each week.
* 100 visitors come to The Tango Center from out-of-town each week.
* It makes for a complete evening-on-the-town with other downtown activities.
* It brings all ages and interests together. It is popular with high-school and university students, professional people, artists, musicians, dancers, and retirees.
* Social dance is an improvisational, creative, healthy, community-building activity.
* We are a multicultural, bridge-building center, helping Latin Americans in Eugene to form close bonds, and feel at home.

The Tango Center's position in the world of Tango

* The largest space in North America dedicated to Tango.
* 10,000 Eugeneans have taken Tango lessons at the Tango Center. This is the highest number per capita of any city on Earth -- a higher percentage than even Buenos Aires.
* Our Google ranking for the word "tango" is #39 -- out of 47 million web pages!
* The Tango Center is, globally, the #1 ranked Tango studio or dance-hall, in Google's search results for the word "tango".
* We have the best-engineered tango or ballroom floor in the US. It is worth approximately $50,000.
* The largest weekly tango dance in the Northwest (Saturdays).
* The longest-running alternative-music Tango event on the West Coast (Tuesdays).
* Dozens of the best dancers and Tango musicians in the US have emerged from here.
* We were the first school in the country to offer Tango jam sessions for musicians.
* The world's most famous Tango instructors, performers, and musicians regularly come here to work with our local talent.
* There is no other downtown, street-level community dance-hall like this in the US. It has inspired dozens of projects in Eugene and around the world.

Other dance and events and community-center qualities

* We are a home to many of Eugene's dance communities: Tango, contemporary latin dance, Lindy Hop, modern dance troupes, etc.
* Eugeneans have married here, met their spouses, launched projects, partnerships and businesses ... the spinoff effects have been endless.
* We have a full schedule with over 20 regular groups, including LCC, making use of this superb, affordable facility.
* We work with our fellow building occupants, New Zone, to cover our gallery walls -- some of the largest in town.
* We are a multi-media exhibition hall, a large assembly space, and have hosted everything from Film Festivals and community meetings to craft faires and farmer's markets.

The Building
* 2009 is the 80th anniversary of the opening of the building, the only one ever built in Eugene as a year-round farmer's market.
* We have demonstrated that the Farmer's Market and the dance-hall are complementary activities.

For more information, please type "tango center" into Google.

With many thanks for your consideration,
Greg Bryant

The Tango Center
194 West Broadway
downtown Eugene

Trying to squirm every activity and person into my life.
I have found myself going to one event, leaving early to speed to another event, then repeating the cycle a couple more times before the night is over. Juggling is complicated, more so with people. I need to learn the literal and figurative versions of the sport. So far, lifestyle choices going well. People can be surprisingly understanding. Others, not so much.

D&D continued last night. Wine, cheese, cookies, perverted jokes, hysterical laughter, and affectionate insults that have entirely no meaning - they just sound funny (and reference inside jokes). Some examples: anus-ripper, cheese dick, plant porn, fondling your bull poopies, wire-wisking, not to mention the constant references to "Gabriel-ing."

Oh, and my cat is adorable.

Finally met new neighbors. They seem pretty awesome.

Everyone was in bed tonight when G & I heard what sounded like a female voice screaming. Not the oh-baby-oh-baby-i'm-having-a-great-orgasm sound (although that can be annoying to hear too loud), but the scream of someone who was being gutted. We thought it was just us, until the neighbors knocked on the door and asked whether we were making those noises. Apparently they were heard by G and neighbors on new years as well. Our downstairs neighbors have been living there a year, and make barely any noise and the other neighbor is male. Ellie thinks it's the attic ghost (really, we've heard footsteps clearly upstairs when there wasn't anybody up there, and that room is the only third story in the building). Its pretty freaky though.

The scream kind of reminds me of the time i was by myself at the apt, and i heard a male voice shouting that he just got stabbed. I snuck down the stairs with my phone and some guy was holding his side screaming about how some guy had stabbed him and stolen his wallet. Several people had already come out and called the 911, so i didn't leave the building. But, freaky. Seriously freaky.

Complicated, always complicated. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Molly died today. I watched as her bowl movements released and her eyes sadly stared at no one. She is gone. I still can't believe it. People may think it ridiculous to mourn for a dog this much, but she was family to me. She died, sad, knowing, and in pain. Every item of my parent's house reminds me of a memory of her. It makes me want to run away from the house and memories from looking around the corner and finding her toy and not her - a sad remnant of what we had. When I got home my Mom asked me to take out her comfy bed. It had her fur on it and smelled like molly. It was a soft, brown bed. I sat outside for a while and cuddles with it (yes, cuddled). When i threw her bed in the garbage, the lumpy mass of bedding, fur, and dog smell hung out of the garbage. It was as if, by throwing away her bed, i had thrown my dog away, and i knew she was gone. Typing seems to help me away from reality.

I realized i do not handle stress, illness, or death well. I hide behind makeup, and try to not cry in front of others. I crack jokes to avoid reality and create a distracting self-denying world for myself and the people suffering with me or around me. I could hardly stay in the room and watch her die. I could hardly touch her, feeling that if i did i would know her time had come. I could hardly look at her. I wanted to crawl out of the room, scratch my way out if neccesasry to avoid and deny the cold hard truths of life.

Watching her die, brought back memories of another moment i tried to pretend didn't happen. I tried to distance myself, to not get attatched. I had dreams about it, and in the morning denied it's existence by creating another world in my head. A world where good conquored evil and death was not so terrible. There was no grey and no questions about what happened after life - you just kept on living silly, in my world.

Master Cleanse: Day 2 . . .

vomitted back up the saltwater mixture because i put 2 tablespoons of salt into the water as opposed to 2 TEASPOONS. yuck.

tortured myself and went into market of choice to buy more maple syrup, and browsed the chocolates i cannot eat. Yep, totally a masochist.

Molly is dying. Some asshole shot her in the hip joint with some kind of air gun. she can't walk without someone lifting her back half and walking with her. She is hardly eating, and is not going to the restroom. It is difficult to visit and watch her suffer with no hope of her growing better. She seems to know she's dying.

Cannot wait for finals to be over!

Tango on Saturday and Tuesday! Cannot wait! Tango Tango Tango Tango!
Wednesday, visit Ruth!